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Nan Tepper's avatar

I can't tell you how many times I laughed, spit coffee out through my nostrils, and tried to remember all the lines from this essay I would have highlighted to bring to your attention. I related to so many of the things you said...privileged Djarum smoking teenagers! OMG. I was a Camel unfiltered girl in high school. My first brand. If you're going for self-harm, go all in, that's what I always say! Nah. I did smoke the Camels, but...I wasn't very tough. Boys. I have to confess, there's definitely a man-hating woman who takes up partial residence in my brain. I think I need to discuss this piece line by line with you. FABULOUS!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

I also had a Camel straight phase, mostly because other people didn't bum them off me. And absolutely on self harm, nothing exceeds like excess!!

Thanks for kind words, Nan (legit checkmark writer) We can discuss anything you like!

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Nan Tepper's avatar

I will sheepishly admit that I went through a brief Djarum stage in my 20s...wishing for them to not be as unhealthy as tobacco, but wow, they were even worse, gummy clove-y sap juice accumulating in my lungs. And then later, I rationalized smoking American Spirit brand because the tobacco was "organic" aka less harmful in my addict's rationalizing brain. Oh boy can people be stupid when they want to stay hooked!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Oh I smoked all the clove cigs too (despite my snobbery). I'm glad they no longer appeal. Wish I could say the same about bourbon, cookies, cute shoes that rip my feet apart, Below Deck marathons, cheap lip gloss...

The work, Nan, it's never done. Progress, not perfection ♥️

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Tequila, cookies, M&Ms-plain and peanut, I only wear ugly sensible shoes, and have no idea what Below Deck is. Have to look it up!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

I'm never giving up tequila. Definitely FIRST CHOICE.

Below Deck is a terrible Bravo show where a bunch of young people are somehow in charge of feeding and entertaining passengers on a mega yacht/vessel of some kind. Hilarity ensues! Spoiler alert: they all fight and drink too much and screw each other. But there are beautiful shots of the Mediterranean! I don't know, Nan. It can't all be sophisticated. Sometimes trash sings its siren sooooonnnnggg.

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Nan Tepper's avatar

Tequila. Anejo. Neat. Only alcohol I ever drink, and I'm such a lightweight. I'm so grateful that alcohol was never the issue food is for me. Trash is good, too. I'm trying to think if there's a trashy show that I like/d. I hardly ever watch TV anymore, so I'll probably need to get back to you on that one. Oh. I have one. I got all wrapped up in The Morning Show on Apple TV. What a piece of junk that was, but pretty entertaining and distracting, which I needed at the time.

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Lucy Conway's avatar

I loved smoking roll ups because it slowed the flow of smoke bludgers. When I stopped completely, getting rid of them was the most satisfying result.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

It’s good we’ve all wised up on the smoking 🚬

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Katherine Sanderson's avatar

Loved the description of your school years. It reminded me of a birthday card I sent my sister a few years ago when we were both in our 60's.

Front: Everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten.

Inside: Boys are stupid.

It's still true, even for a 73 year old widow.😂

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Glad you and your sister can have a laugh at their expense...I do appreciate men more now that I'm not trying to make one happy.

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Valkyrie's avatar

PAID subscriber now... keep going. We all need you, need each other. And I'm fucking fired up again after listening to Benatar. Hard to imagine we are still HERE. And for the record, love men, have a most excellent one in my life, I'm not bitter, but I'm for ALL of us and I'm not going back. Not. Going. Back. We aren't even THERE yet. The power of yet...

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

THANK YOU so much for the paid subscription. We do need one another and it gives me joy to connect with people here and spread some Benatar. (her voice! we have the right to be angry!) So glad you have an excellent man, we all are going to require big love to stay strong when THERE is HERE. ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

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Valkyrie's avatar

We WILL need all the big love, even if they don't understand or relate. As long as there is love and support I'm good.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

😘

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Rita Ott Ramstad's avatar

Another INFJ here. You're onto something. I also have a brother with a similar disability. He might be the main reason I've always been blue.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Absolutely. My mother would have been lost without the social programs and assistance she received for my brother.

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Caroline's avatar

Really loving the INFJ representation in these comments!!!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

INTROVERTS UNITE ON THE INTERNET SO THEY CAN UNITE ALONE!

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Untrickled by Michelle Teheux's avatar

Illinois INFP here

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Rebecca J's avatar

🖤 NAPS BEFORE WRATH 🖤

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Had you in mind.

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Geraldine Comiskey's avatar

Thanks for this brilliant antidote to all the gaslighting imposed on INFJs.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

I think writing is the only way to ungaslight yourself sometimes. Thanks for your support.

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Nancy Hellstrom's avatar

Your writing is fun and fresh! But the liberalism you embrace is a mental illness.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

I never watch CNN. Cat turds and telegrams don’t seem like they go together. What kind of mental illness help do they provide?

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Nancy Hellstrom's avatar

Caturd is the name of the telegram channel.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Where might I find this help?

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Nancy Hellstrom's avatar

You might enjoy and learn a lot from Matt Walsh’s “Am I Racist” movie. His “What is a Wiman” is brilliant as well. Both are good starting points. 😜

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Duly noted.

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Nancy Hellstrom's avatar

The MAGA crowd can help you. Caturd telegram channel. Turning off CNN is a good start.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank you for your diagnosis.

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Nancy Hellstrom's avatar

You’re welcome. There’s help available.

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Paula Taub's avatar

You’re an INFJ on fire. Rare, like perfect scotch. 🥰❤️ Love you. So glad you answered the call to put your rare air out here so we can breathe it in.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thanks, love. You are the best. ❤️

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Elizabeth Beggins's avatar

Listening to Invincible while I type this comment and appreciating being connected to someone like you. Pat Benatar is your doppleganger, I'd say!

I found myself fist pumping (mentally) through most of this, Eileen, and I laughed out loud at nothing being more intolerable than a hippie with a trust fund.

Thank you for being resolute, smart, and a champion for justice. It's a shame your personality type is the least common. We need more like you!

(By the way, I'm ISFJ aka: The Defender)

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Pat gives me superpowers 💥💥💥 and ISFJ defenders have a permanent spot in my heart ❤️.

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Elizabeth Beggins's avatar

☺️

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A CRONE WITH A BOTTLE. Or two.'s avatar

I just love you, Eileen, and your acerbic wit (using that phrase makes me feel like a douchebag but I can't think of a better term?) You are brave, faced with so much adversity and I wish you the best dealing with your neurological troubles (also a douchebag phrase). I also wish I had your gumption. I'm an INFP and the P probably stands for "passive" while your J stands for "justice fighter". Here's hoping we can remain friends despite our one letter difference. xo

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Your P means you are more flexible and go with the flow, I could probably use some direction on how to chill. You have been so supportive and kind and not at all douchey. I consider myself lucky to have you in my corner, this comment section is such a good place to escape the impending doom. Love and appreciate you big time. ♥️♥️♥️

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Untrickled by Michelle Teheux's avatar

I think about this a lot.

First me, it was all the books I read as a child.

I grew up red but turned blue.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

You read books as a child that turned you blue? Curious about which books and whether they’re banned for their magic powers…

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Untrickled by Michelle Teheux's avatar

A few that I remember: The Spider Plant was about a little girl from Puerto Rico whose family moved to NYC. There was one about a Black family that lived in subsidized housing. I read all kinds of stories about people living in different cultures/countries. Durango Street was about a young Black guy in a gang. I was living in a tiny white town, so these were all very different worlds to me. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, too!

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Dale Wilson's avatar

Yet again feeling seen and heard by someone I love and respect. Just how high can one climb Maslow’s pyramid from reading a trusted friend’s writing? Your ability to connect is a talent that is truly amazing. Thank you for sharing.

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Caroline's avatar

Starting off with San Francisco just about took me out 🤣🤣🤣🤣

WAIT!!! I’m an INFJ! We’re the rarest of them all!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

OF COURSE you’re an INFJ. It explains our insta bonding. 😘

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Caroline's avatar

TWINS!!!

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Stephanie Weaver's avatar

This was so so good. Yes to all the INFJs (I was an INFJ/P last time I took it and now I think that means I'm neurospicy so whatever). Carry on. Naps before bros.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Neurospicy IS a good definition. We should make more medical terms sound like fast food descriptors. I have neurosalty days, for sure. Naps help :)

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Emily's avatar

OK, neurosalty makes more sense as word of the year than brain rot. Well, maybe not considering election results.

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Stephanie Weaver's avatar

Neurosalty definitely describes my migraine attack days. XOXO

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

I have never heard anyone casually use the term "brain rot" and it's the word of the year? Wow. That does explain quite a bit.

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Kip's avatar

Eileen, you are the fucking best. Thank you for being my friend. And keep it coming! I love reading your stuff. I hope it goes well with the neurologist

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank YOU, Kip. Hope you and Dr B and kitties are having happy holidazzze!!!

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