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Nan Tepper's avatar

I LOVE YOU. I think I start every comment to every piece you write that way. But start it that way, I must. Eileen, you're a champion in so many ways. Your honesty, courage, humor-dark and light, your wisdom are all gifts you give us when you publish. Thank you, my dear friend! xo

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank you, Nan. You make it fun to hang out here. xoxoxo

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Nan Tepper's avatar

MWAH! Go do your homework, missy! xo

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Melissa Thornley's avatar

Pink hair. Crying in public. Dogs. Being feminist AF. TJ's almond croissants. Dude purges. Virtual Vitality. Reading as a singular activity. Joy amidst the rubble. Wisdom inside the tsunami of dumb. Thank goddess for you, Eileen.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

The almond croissants might become a problem....

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Lucy Conway's avatar

I agree with all you said

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Melanie Michaels's avatar

To rip yourself open is one thing, to share it with the world is another. It is so trite to say your bald faced courage is inspiring…I despise trite yet this is me being so fecking trite. Your bald faced courage in living YOUR life is inspiring. Thank you for exposing who you are so boldly and honestly. I hope pink hair is in your future!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank you for reading, Melanie. The pink hair is indeed part of the plan. 💕

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Jodi Sh. Doff's avatar

My "must do life" is currently manifesting as "must purge unnecessary possessions." That this a place of privilege, I'm fully aware. Since I also have hoardery tendencies, my answer (this week) is to give away the containers, so I don't have any place to put the things, forcing me to let go of the things. This week, it's two of the many bookcases. My bucket list includes an extended road/van life trip after Mom passes, and I'd need a school bus for all the books I seem to think are essential to daily life.

Do you. Pink. Loud. Messy. Clandestine. However you need at that moment. Time is limited, for some of us more than others, the world is on fire—everywhere. I'm grateful I don't have children (to worry about their future) and not (cause who will care for me when I'm old?). I'm grateful for my circle of choice, like you I've purged many "friends," and in doing so found deeper friendships.

Much much love. What is next on your bucket list, I wonder? Seriously, what are your top three things?

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

A school bus for all your books! I love it.

I came ill prepared to answer your question, Jodi. But something like...

1) Tour the country visiting friends

2) Do some spoken word poetry

3) Make peace with my one complicated relationship 💖 💖

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Jodi Sh. Doff's avatar

Your #1 is up there w mine. Maybe we’ll pass each other on the road.

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Kari Bentley-Quinn's avatar

Who the fuck says with a straight face “should I buy a $1300 purse?” Right now??? Ma’am.

Definitely going to watch this series. Love me some

Michelle Williams

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank you. I thought maybe $1,300 purses were NBD. I'm too old to keep up.

Michelle Williams is SO good. When I saw her in Fosse/Verdon, I thought "what can't she do?" Seeing her in this was next level.

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Well, here we are again. I just love you so much. And the purse lady, my god. There are a lot of people out there like her, I fear. Some woman told me I was “not very yogic” because I said I would block anyone who posted racist comments under a post I shared on one of the socials. I basically said being proud to be against diversion, equity and inclusion was fucking wild. Apparently she thought I should “hold space” for racists as part of my yoga practice, and blocking them was shitty of me. Bitch, please. We can disagree about pizza toppings, etc, etc. Anyhoo. I love you. Let’s FaceTime. I shall text 😍

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Not being cool with racism is "not very yogic". Girl, bye. Does she believe yoga was invented by white people? I vote the block button brings spiritual peace to your space. She can go home and use her Thigh Master until she gets her mind right.

Love you......see you and Paul later. 💕

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Ally Hamilton's avatar

Thigh Master 🤣

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Genessa L Krasnow's avatar

Eileen, I often tell my friends how I have fan girl crushes on a few writers on substack. One of them is you. Big time. I am certain my dogs want to meet you and I keep telling them, be cool. We don’t want to come on too strong. Or do we?

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Genessa, I'm honored to be your fan girl crush! Tell the dogs to get crazy. Thank you so much for reading and making my day with this note ♥️

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Jaguar3's avatar

Your point of view and voice, your heart-of-the-matter helps me so much. Thank you for writing, for sharing. I reach back to you with love and admiration.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank you for leaving this note. I'm glad the post resonated for you. 💕

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Holly Starley's avatar

And also, oh my gosh, how I resonate with that shape shifting and becoming a blank canvas bit. And every time I do it, I am completely taken aback. This again? Ha!

I have no idea what to do with The. I love everyone problem either. But I agree it’s infuriating.

You’ve been on my brain, my friend. Yes I had a dog, I would want you to meet her. 🐾♥️

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

It's weird to feel confident as a person until you go on a date and find yourself laughing at things that aren't funny and saying "I don't care" when they ask what you want for dinner. I am my true self with friends and dogs. ♥️

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Nessa's avatar

Great to read a post from you!

So happy you got to meet the dogs 🤗 they are just so good for the human soul.

Oh ffs the lady that loves everybody is unconscious (if pleasant) and anyone who is spending that amount of money on a purse should be strongly advised to double down, buy the purse and then match it with a donation of equal value to a worthy cause!

Thanks for the tip to cancel Netflix soon - it is running out of decent stories. I hate those candy-floss predictable stuff - they might as well just get the AI to do it all!

🙈🤷🏻‍♀️

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Hello Nessa! Dogs are therapeutic to be around. They show you how to be excited about little things, like going outside and taking in the smells.

Thank you so much for your support. I always love seeing you here.

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A CRONE WITH A BOTTLE. Or two.'s avatar

Ha. Methinks you should moonlight as a movie/streaming reviewer for high-paying magazines and use the cash to live the high life NOW. None of us know when our time will come, so living in the NOW always seems like the best option.

In a smart world, gaining the affection of a fifty plus year old chronically ill lady person with your heart and wit would be the prize to win. Alas, we live in a super dumb world, and you’re breaking my heart with every post, Eileen. I have no doubt you’ll kick that DBS treatment in the ass. You will always kick ass. You’ve got this, lady! Much love, H.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

It is a super dumb world in that aspect but I've stopped taking it personally. THANK YOU for being my mood booster on the regular. I'm taking it all with me to the finish line :) Much love 💕

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Janice Anne Wheeler's avatar

Sooooooo much UGH. Everything else expressed was simply (if inadequately) summed here. I hope I fall into the list of cool new contacts because I revere your strength, quiet humor and humanity. Also appreciate the lack of, well, you know.

Remarkably glad you have entered my realm. Thanks and I have this fab feeling that you're staying. Which is great.

J

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

You are absolutely on my fun new cool ass amazing writer lady friend list. And you're the only one who's a sailor! Let the mutual fab feelings continue....

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Rona Maynard's avatar

God, how I hate being asked, “You good?” or one of its odious variants. You’re speaking for me. The last time someone asked me this, I said, “No. My dog just died.”

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

I LOVE THIS. To those who try to control both sides of the conversation, be warned.

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

OMG every line of this, every word is so delicious. I relate to the extensive purge I’ve been at it for 10 years or longer. It feels wonderful. I have to go back and get the name of that series. That sounds amazing.

I had a binge with the equalizer. Queen Latifah is the main character who rocks. Soul nourishing how she sets the record straight.

I lasted one weekend on a dating app ugh! The erotic pleasure of being alone and having a room of one’s own.

Brilliant. Enjoy the company of Those who listen. We don’t have time for depletion.

But do we have time for a $1300 purse?

Thank you.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Thank you Prajna! I didn't notice until your comment that I had a bit of a binge and purge thing going on. Queen Latifah is so binge worthy. I would watch her read the phone book. Will check out the show. And only wasting one weekend on dating apps makes you a shrewd purveyor of time in my book. Thanks for the kind words.

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

Absolutely. Me too. There are many great characters like Aunt Vi and her daughter. I’ve been through three seasons. Season three ended quite poorly I thought, No! This can’t be how it ends. And I found out there were two more seasons, but they aren’t on Netflix yet so I have to wait.

I learned so much watching this program. I also felt like a processed much of my inner life. Enjoy!

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Sallyfemina's avatar

This version of The Equalizer is so much better than the old one. QL gets it done, and the show spends a lot of time on the characters' personal lives, and commenting on society in general.

Having a show where the lead and family are all Black women is such a refreshing change. Her BFF is a small Asian woman who used to be a military sniper. And Lorraine Toussaint as her auntie is predictably great as well.

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Prajna O'Hara's avatar

Yes. The character development is awesome. I love that QL has a private life and a very personal story going on in the background until… I’m not gonna give any spoilers.

Thank you, sally.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

I have been purging for a few years. Books, audio, video. I sold all that to the used bookstore (who pays in cash, yay). Fought my way to closets. Consigned the collectables to friends who have booths at shows. Threw out really old things, especially things which I had no idea what they were. Recycling stuff.

At first it was odd to see the empty bookcases, but now I find it really restful. So freeing.

I love the new Equalizer. She and the rest of the cast are so good.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Less stuff is liberating. Love that you've made some space.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

Planning to move, thus downsizing.

There's more space for me, and for quiet.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

Thrift stores have gotten SO MUCH from me. I also sold everything in the house that was actual silver or gold, gave away the set of grandma's china, and clothes galore. Stirs up a lot of dust, but... the quiet! And there's a used Lego store who gave me some serious cash for my old stuff.

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

The only thing better than getting rid of stuff is getting rid of stuff for money! Good for you.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

All the things I sold brought in cash, which is very useful. Bought me a lot of groceries; so many places don't take cash but the supermarkets still do and don't bat an eye at $100 bills. Ben Franklin got me some good eats.

I recommend to anyone that they seek out places that will do this. The business will make $ and so will you. I'd no idea about the Lego store till a mutual friend told me it was two towns over in a generic strip mall near the big mall. I also got some missing accessories for the Lego guys I kept as a bonus.

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Kip's avatar

I love you Eileen. You are one of my absolute top favorite people in the whole world. Even when you are overwhelmed with "ugh" you can always make me laugh. Thank you for sharing yourself with us, your loyal fans, friends, fellow travelers. There is a picture I wanted to post here, I guess you can't do that. I will send it in a text

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

Love you! OMG sounds like you and Christine ran into some checked out people. WHERE TO EVEN START indeed. I'm glad there were a few thousand like minded folks there as well.

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Wendy Wolf's avatar

Eileen! I've been overwhelmed and behind on so many things. I have a to do list and you are on it (catching up on essays and the mail I promised...). I'm pushing that right up to the top. I was waiting to send you a card closer to June 2, but I see that that was foolish because you're going through this NOW. I wish I were there physically to help if need be. More soon. Loved the essay. I love everything you write. I'm so sorry. Dying for Sex added to my list. Kiss! (not the bullshit air kind, but a real one, on your cheek) Ack! x!

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Eileen Dougharty's avatar

It sounds like you're busy doing good stuff! Do your to dos and enjoy them. Thanks for the kiss, I love seeing you here. 💕 x!

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